So Long, Farewell, Adieu...
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A S/Sgt. Janer Tale
Chapter 1 – The Appointment
“So... what is
it that you want to speak to me about?” He seemed every bit the perfect
businessman – from his simple and tidy flat-top hair, a touch of grey at the
temples, to his charcoal grey pinstripe morning suit and diamond studded
cufflinks. Konrad Herczeg was a man who
looked more than capable of overseeing a hostile takeover in the morning,
laying off five thousand employees in the afternoon, divorcing his terminally
ill wife in the evening and then still sleeping peacefully that night. Right now, however, he was more scared than
he could ever recall being. He’d faced
men with guns, knives and lengths of two-by-four before now, run guns through
Soviet-controlled lands and always felt less afraid than he did sitting behind
his desk and talking to the pleasant-looking and relaxed young lady who was
resting her gloved hands on the back of the chair across from him. Not that he was showing it, of course. No, to the outward observer he was calm,
composed and fully in control of the situation.
Maybe the line of sweat trickling down past his left ear was the fault
of the irksome air-conditioning in the building and perhaps the faint, barely
noticeable throbbing at his temples and throat were due to a brisk jog up the
several flights of stairs to his lushly furnished office. Looking even more relaxed and apparently not
bothered by any air-conditioning issues, the office’s other occupant smiled in
a warm, pleasant and vaguely terrifying manner.
To Konrad it seemed too much like the last sight an unfortunate wanderer
might see in the Indian jungles as three hundred pounds of orange and black
striped death leapt towards them.
“My resignation and retirement, Mr.
Herczeg. After much deliberation and
consideration I’ve decided to hand my notice in, with immediate effect.” Her
teeth retreated behind her lips as the smile faded and the jeans, t-shirt and
plain black leather jacket clad woman lightly placed a brushed aluminium
attaché case on Herczeg’s vast and paperwork-free desk. The suited businessman tried very hard not to
flinch and nearly succeeded. “In here are my company expenses card, the keys to
my Manhattan apartment and also my company car keys. You’ll also find fifty thousand dollars in
cash as compensation for early severance of my contract. If the fee seems too small then I’m open to
negotiation. Lastly, there’s a signed
statement by myself proclaiming that I am fully retiring from the profession
and will not be taking on any contract work with competitors.” Herczeg looked to the case, pale blues eyes
slowly moving over its clasps and handle before returning to his
ex-employee. He’d have his assistant
open it later. Or rather, his new assistant, after he promoted one.
“I see.
You could have just made an appointment so see me, you know. And why, pray tell, did you feel you had to
kill two of my bodyguards and my secretary
to tell me this, Ms. Janer?” She looked
back over her shoulder, half-turning to regard the three slowly cooling corpses
that lay sprawled on the thick, expensive and now-ruined carpet of Herczeg’s
office. One guard appeared to be
attempting to look at his own shoulder-blade; his neck at an angle that
explained his transition from is to was.
The other guard and a smartly-dressed woman in her mid-forties lay
nearby, each with a pair of very precisely placed bullet-holes puncturing their
tops and their life’s essence leaking out onto the floor in a sluggishly
spreading crimson puddle. Their killer shrugged
apologetically and spoke as if she’d stapled the wrong documents together or
forgotten to refill the coffee pot.
“You normally have three bodyguards with
you at all times and I didn’t have time to check if the bulge in her jacket was
just a PDA. The guards were a
statement.” Her tone was almost reproachful, as if somehow the change in
arrangements had made it Herczeg’s fault that he was now lacking a secretary
and his ex-secretary was lacking a pulse.
An errant strand of dark brown hair was tucked back behind her ear as
she resumed leaning on the 19th century mahogany and mother-of-pearl
inlaid chair in front of her, much to her host’s dissatisfaction.
“I... see.
And this statement, would it be along the lines of “Fuck with me and
I’ll kill you”?” Enquired Herczeg, as he steepled his manicured fingers and
leant forwards in his chair, composure still on a knife-edge. Janer grinned broadly, again triggering the
primitive lizard part of her former employer’s brain.
“I wouldn’t put it quite so crudely, Mr.
Herczeg, but something along those lines, certainly. I want to retire to somewhere warm and sunny
with a private beach and I know what the firm’s usual view on retiring hitmen
is. We’re both aware of how many of my
former colleagues I’ve helped with their ‘retirement’ plans, and we’re both
aware of my impeccable record and finesse in the field. So this is me, saying to you that if you
leave me in peace then I will return the courtesy. If, on the other hand, you take it into your
head to send someone along with the intent of making my retirement rather more
final, then I will kill them. After
that, I will kill you, your guards, your staff, your family, your friends and
anyone else who suffers the misfortune of being there at the time. You know how much care and thought I put into
even the easiest of contracts. Consider
that my retirement plans are something I have spent the past few years
preparing. I don’t make threats but I do
make promises and on this one you have my word. Yes, Mr. Herczeg, fuck with me and I will kill you. Oh, just so you know, I severed the phoneline
at the exchange and the briefcase has an IR-emitter connected to half a pound
of plastique, which should be activating about... now.” The Hungarian froze perfectly still, save for his eyes, which
flicked down to look at the suddenly deadly briefcase before him. “The timer will switch it off in a little
less than fifteen minutes but if you move between now and then your office will
get re-decorated. With you. There’s a twenty millimetre threshold on the
receiver so do try not to cough, sneeze or breathe too heavily. Goodbye, Konrad. Be good and we’ll never meet again.” She
flashed another grin before giving a jaunty wave to the stock-still Herczeg and
turned to exit his office, stepping daintily around the puddles of blood on the
carpet and the bodies that lay in them as she walked to the door and vanished
from his life. Well, if he had any
sense, that is.
